Bringing flowers or wine to a dinner party is a major “don’t” — while coming to a bash with a pasta colander can be welcomed with open arms. Learn the “do’s” and “don’ts” of host-gifting from the pros before the holiday entertaining season is in full swing:
While sending flowers the day before a party is a nice gesture that would be well received, bringing them to the party when you arrive isn’t recommended, because it gives the host or hostess an extra chore (finding a vase and a spot for the flowers) as he’s scrambling to get everything ready for the party, said Barbara Pachter, etiquette and communication expert and New Jersey-based author of 10 books including the recent “The Essentials of Business Etiquette: How to Greet, Eat and Tweet Your Way to Success.”
And although wine is considered as a go-to hostess gift, it’s not a great idea either, Pachter said.
“It may not match the meal,” she said. “You can bring wine and say something like, ‘This is one of my favorite wines, but please save it for a special occasion.'”
Along the same lines, she doesn’t recommend bringing food or even a dessert unless the person throwing the party specifically requested that you bring part of the meal.
There are plenty of other items that are recommended however.
Diane Phillips, a James Beard Award nominee and author of more than 20 cookbooks, including “The Perfect Basket: How to Make a Fabulous Gift Basket for Any Occasion,” likes to bring homemade gift baskets when she arrives at someone’s house.
She starts by taking an unusual container or repurposing something she may already have at home.
“If your hosts are cooks, then use something unique for the basket or item to hold the gift items — a cutting board, a decorative ceramic bowl, a pasta colander — red metal is perfect here,” Phillips said. “Then, build the basket around the container, with the cutting board, a cheese knife, cheese pins to label cheese, a set of leaves to lay on the cutting board.”
For the bowl, Phillips suggested, you could build a salad set with decorative salad servers, a bottle of extra virgin olive oil, a special vinegar, a pepper mill and a box of Maldon salt. Then tie the whole thing up in an apron as the wrap.
If you’re using the pasta colander, you could fill it with imported pasta, a pasta fork, extra virgin olive oil and dried Italian spices.
“Decorate it with red, white and green ribbons, the color of the Italian flag,” she said.
If you don’t know the hosts well, easy suggestions are a hot chocolate basket or a breakfast basket filled with homemade granola or some quick breads and special coffee, teas and jams.
“I always feel this one is a special one, since your host is cooking dinner, and the next morning they are not going to feel like making breakfast,” Phillips said.
While it’s customary to bring a gift to someone’s home if you’re invited for a party or for a meal, there are times when no gift is necessary, said Peggy Post, great-granddaughter-in-law of Emily Post, and the Vermont-based author of more than a dozen etiquette books and co-author of the 18th edition of “Emily Post’s Etiquette.”
Certainly you should honor a request for no gifts, she said.
“If you live in an area where you don’t tend to bring gifts or if you’ve been going to dinner parties where gifts aren’t given, then don’t start the tradition — it opens a can of worms,” Post said.
Also, if you’re going to a big party, an hourlong cocktail hour or a buffet, it may not be necessary to bring a gift.
For a casual get-together among friends where everyone brings a dish, then no gift is necessary, Post said.
