As Super Bowl 50 proved to be a defensive battle on the field, it was that way in the ads, as well. Paying a reported $5 million for 30 seconds, advertiser after advertiser played it cautious by trotting out familiar faces and familiar music to help pitch their products. Some of it worked (Alec Baldwin, David Bowie), but much of it was too safe to be interesting (Arnold Schwarzenegger, Marilyn Monroe, Janelle Monae). Meantime, some risky bets on new characters, a “puppymonkeybaby” and a friendly marmot, left viewers feeling a little queasy. In the game they called this sort of thing “unsportsmanlike conduct.”
Heinz, A+
That this best spot of the Super Bowl could be made so simply (and so inexpensively) has to have other advertisers tearing their storyboards into little pieces. No celebrities. No massive production that looks lifted from an action movie. Just a horde of Dachshunds dressed as hot dogs (wiener dogs, naturally) running in slow motion across a field toward a handful of humans in Heinz condiment suits. The perfect musical backdrop is Harry Nilsson’s (“I can’t live if living is…”) “Without You.” It is at once joyfully goofy and disarmingly elegant.
Amazon Echo, B
Ex-NFL QB Dan Marino and actor Alec Baldwin trade reasonably funny jabs in this reasonably product-focused spot for Amazon’s mashup of Siri and a Jambox. Give it credit for keeping the presence of the celebrities, who also include musician Missy Elliott, in service to the commercial message, showing America just what is the Amazon Echo, a surprise but still little-known electronics hit.
Avocados from Mexico, A-
Aliens of the future tour a museum displaying “the bounty of Earth,” including the “cube of Rubik,” a “torture device” viewers recognize as a commercial airline cabin and Scott Baio. There’s a lot of talking here, but the jokes are funny, and ending on the product (and the guacamole you make from it) does make you want to reach for a chip.
Pepsi, B-
The best you can say for this ad is that it is spirited and well-performed, casting Janelle Monae as lead dancer bopping through three settings of American music through the years. But it is also generic and oh-so-very-safe, leaving us feeling like we’ve seen this before. We sort of have: Pepsi years ago gave us Britney Spears singing through the ages.
Classic rock ads, A-
You can’t go wrong with the stuff that’s still on car radios all the time, right? No, you can’t, carmakers respond. Acura nimbly employs the whoops and hollers of the David Lee Roth solo vocal track from “Running with the Devil,” long a YouTube favorite, to convey excitement about its new vehicle.
Honda Ridgeline uses Queen’s “Somebody to Love” in a concept we’ve seen before (animals talk when people disappear), but it is so perfectly executed you don’t mind.
And Audi calls on David Bowie’s “Starman” to suggest that driving its new flagship sedan is a decent substitute for commanding a space vehicle.
Life lessons, B
It’s understandable that advertisers want to do more than tell a few jokes or sell a few more widgets. But Colgate’s message about not wasting water when you brush your teeth feels in this setting like hectoring.
Ditto for Anheuser-Busch’s anti-drunk driving screed, even if it is delivered by Helen Mirren.
But the ad for the No More anti-violence campaign, using a string of text messages, tells people something they might not know: that the apologies a woman makes for her partner could be covering something worse.
Mtn Dew, C-
When did Mountain Dew lose most of the letters in its first name? And how radical is that, dude? It’s about as radical as spending Spr Bwl ad mny (see what I did there?) to introduce a determinedly creepy new character, Puppymonkeybaby. This one tries too hard, sort of like an established consumer products company overindulging in contemporary language conventions.
Hyundai, C
In two spots, the Korean carmaker has one funny idea — two young women drive through a town where all the men are Ryan Reynolds — but doesn’t know what to do with it. In the end it sells safety, not sex, and football fans know a safety is only worth two points.
Hyundai’s other spot, a cliched daddy-daughter dating scenario featuring Kevin Hart, will teach you that Kevin Hart commercials are a lot like Kevin Hart movies: You can almost feel yourself start to smile every now and then.
WeatherTech, B+
Surrounded by a sea of flop sweat, ads for the suburban Chicago car mat maker stand out for being unafraid to be basic. In its third straight Super Bowl ad, WeatherTech simply says, we are American-made and proud, and we have products that will work for you. Directness in advertising. What a concept.
Budweiser, B
This is the only place you’ll see the company’s Clydesdales this year, in a second straight Super Bowl ad going after craft beers and imports. “Not a Hobby,” “Not a Fruit Cup” and “Not Sipped” say some of the on-screen graphics, although the unfortunate suggestion is that Bud is better used for spraying around the room than drinking. Give the ad credit, though, for impeccable production: It’s a riveting 60 seconds. And thank Budweiser for retiring the played-out farmer-reunites-with-lost-animal scenario.
Shock Top, C
And now comes Anheuser-Busch’s sort-of craft beer, the one that is served with the fruit wedge that the beefy guy flicks away in the anti-craft ad. Comic TJ Miller is fine here, but he’s forced to trade insults with the Shock Top character, the sunglasses-wearing, mohawked bro who adorns their tap handles. And that improbably swaggering little guy is the definition of an unlikable character (see also: Puppymonkeybaby).
Bud Light, A-
Seth Rogen and Amy Schumer mock political ads and themselves, a little, as stars of this campaign commercial for the “Bud Light Party.” It’s funny straight through, from Paul Rudd being the thing besides beer that everybody agrees on to a farmer touting emojis. It even lets Schumer be Schumer with some not-subtle raunch based on the word “caucus.”
Skittles, B+
This ad manages to be all about the candy as rocker Steven Tyler is shown a portrait of himself made out of the colorful little fruit drops. Beware of those “Dream On” high notes, candy Steven Tyler.
Snickers, C
Again dipping into pop culture after its success mining “The Brady Bunch” last year, Snickers this time suggests that cranky Marilyn Monroe (played by Willem Dafoe, in a dress, above a subway grate) just needs a bite of candy to be restored to her sweet self. On paper this ought to work, but on screen it plays a little stale, like peanuts trapped too long inside chocolate.
Hyundai Elantra, C-
Remote start on a car is potentially a fine feature, especially if bears are chasing you. Talking bears leaving the dominant impression in a car commercial? Not so fine.
Mobile Strike, B
“Celebrity Apprentice” host Arnold Schwarzenegger stars in this mini-action drama suggesting the battle game is really exciting to play on your mobile phone. Question: Who has time to play battle games on their mobile phones? Arnold Schwarzenegger, perhaps.
Doritos, B
This year’s amateur ad challenge winner is a sonogram scenario. The dad is eating Doritos in the room, because dads are schlubs, and the unborn kid is reaching for the Doritos because, well, future schlub! Not my favorite from the chip maker’s generally successful series of DIY spots, but the ending is pretty funny.
Paypal, B+
New money is “all people,” says this ad for the mobile payment service, which now has plenty of rivals in its space. With bold graphics and a vibrant pulse that match the message, this is a well-done, on-point spot.
Marmot, C-
So that’s what a Marmot is, a sort of weasely looking thing that guys who spend a lot of time in the outdoors can fall for. The outdoor gear company’s first-ever Super Bowl ad is not, alas, as compelling as its generally solid products.
Taco Bell, B-
The rating is for the ad, not for the mystery product, which the ad revealed to be a “Quesalupa,” a sort of cheesy fried taco. Congratulate Taco Bell on finding a new combination of its ingredients — and on an ad that ramps up hype. Do we believe the quesalupa will be bigger than football, or than “real football” (soccer)? Nah. Does it work as a funny undercutting of that notion? Nah. I’ll stick with that menu item made with the Doritos shell, thank you very much.
Pokemon, C
The very existence of this ad means, one supposes, that Pokemon, obsession of the sixth grade, is all grown up. And in its 20th birthday look at various athletes pledging “I can do that,” it’s a really, really good ad — for a sports drink. When at the end the Pokemon characters come in, cartoons on a playing field, you think about, oh, the unreality of Quidditch and how decks of playing cards stuffed into middle-schoolers’ backpacks don’t seem as exciting as the ad suggests.
Death Wish Coffee, B+
This spot from a small, “fiercely caffeinated” coffee maker comes courtesy of software company Intuit, which awarded it in a contest. Intuit’s money is put to good use: Vikings row bravely across a stormy, coffee-colored sea, which is revealed to be a good sip of Death Wish going into a modern, bearded guy’s mouth. I hope the oars don’t hurt going down, and I hope the company is prepared to ramp up production to meet Monday morning’s demand, or else executives may well wish they were dead, or at least elsewhere for a time.
SoFi, C-
Rather than a hot new neighborhood in a rising urban center, SoFi is a financial services company that wants the world to visit its website. Its ad is not precisely clear on what it offers: small loans to “great people,” it sounds like. But why the distinction between “great” and “not great”? And on what grounds is this decision made? Why does “Brandon,” in the end, get the cash, but bearded redheaded guy does not? And how much cash would Tony the Tiger, who is really gr-r-r-eat, get? Things were even more mysterious until, before game time, SoFi cut the original last line telling people they are “probably not” great.
Apartments.com, A-
There’s a lot going on here, but it almost miraculously hangs together: A tribute to 1970s sitcom “The Jeffersons,” Jeff Goldblum as a piano-playing venture capitalist, Lil Wayne as Louise Jefferson (sort of), a piano suspended in midair, a mixed-race gospel choir and beans being grilled. The glue is “The Jeffersons” theme song, “Movin’ On Up,” which Goldblum sings, making it all seem sort of natural, like the wish to land a better apartment.
Squarespace, B-
Key and Peele are funny doing still another take on bad sports commentators, but the ad is just a tease to get you to go to a Squarespace website where the duo will apparently be talking about the game live. It sounds at least as promising, as alt-programming, as the Puppy Bowl. But does CBS actually allow this? And if you switch over to Key and Peele, how do you watch all the other ads? Not very comrade-ly, Squarespace.
Axe, B+
Not only is GoDaddy not in the Super Bowl this year (!), but Axe body spray is no longer doing advertising suggesting that its various odoriferous ointments deliver sex almost immediately. Instead, the new and kind of charming campaign, represented by this ad, suggests you take whatever good qualities you’ve got and “work on it.” That’s a message that smells pretty good.
Schick, B
The new Hydro razor, which looks like it has about 13 blades, undergoes a Transformers-life metamorphosis to do battle with another razor, presumably Gillette’s. Spoiler alert: Schick wins. A solid product message delivered in an engaging fashion.
T-Mobile, B-
The pink cell phone company’s ads tap into medium-sized popular culture moments for their power, but the signal is potentially weak. The first one relies on people knowing that Steve Harvey read the wrong winner’s name at a televised beauty pageant, the second on people knowing that Drake’s “Hotline Bling” music video was widely mocked. At least the underlying message about T-Mobile service is in each case strong enough that viewers do not absolutely have to understand the references.
Buick, C
There are two major things going on here. A bridesmaid played by supermodel Emily Ratajkowski “Odells” the bouquet toss, making a leaping catch a la NFL receiver Odell Beckham Jr., who is also on hand. Wedding goers also admire the new Buick convertible. So: quite a wedding, even if the two things don’t have much to do with one another.
Coca-Cola, C-
I though Hulk was going to turn back into Dr. Bruce Banner, or maybe Marilyn Monroe, after he tasted the mini-Coke at the end of the ad’s chase scene. Alas, it didn’t even get that interesting. Big soda pours another $5 million, the reported cost of a 30-second ad this year, down the drain.
Turbo Tax, D
This is just kind of cheap and lazy. Anthony Hopkins says, “I would never tarnish my name by selling you something.” And then he does the opposite.
LG OLED TV, D
Here’s a case of wasting a perfectly good celebrity. The TV maker has Liam Neeson speaking ominously to a young guy about “the future” and “they want to stop it.” There is a motorcycle chase, suggesting high stakes. But who, really, wants to “stop” a better kind of TV?
Butterfinger, B+
This ad, which keeps escalating the boldness stakes for a guy who wants to eat a Butterfinger, owes a lot to the rhythms of the famous Old Spice ad. But tossing a bull rider out of a plane with his mother chastising him on the way down makes those rhythms its own, at least for a few moments.
Mini, A-
One of the game’s best uses of celebrity as a series of unexpected folks, including Serena Williams and Abby Wambach, make the point that the Mini Clubman vehicle needn’t fit into the stereotypes you may have for it. “Defy labels” is the tagline.
Jeep, B+
Eminem for Chrysler and Detroit these spots weren’t, but they were good ads. Fiat Chrysler this year spent its two ads burnishing the Jeep brand as it turns 75. Using classic black-and-white photography and then slice-of-active-life video, the ads showed the vehicles to better advantage than, say, the ratings they earn from auto reviewers.
Kia, B-
What if a walk-in closet were actually a Walken closet, with Christopher Walken sitting in it? That, believe it or not, is what happens in this ad, which works very hard to build on the pun and kinda sorta pulls it off. But to get there, you need to accept that there is also a Kia in the closet, making it a drive-in closet, too — and that a Kia is closer to fancy, colorful socks than to beige socks.
Super Bowl Babies, B
Great idea to gather kids born about nine months after a local Super Bowl win, suggesting nicer associations for football than the recent ones of brain injury and domestic violence. But the ad, a bunch of “Super Bowl babies” choirs singing, doesn’t quite have the power it ought to.
