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Some advice on that temptation to ‘steal’ a boyfriend

Dear Anna,

Recently I went to a birthday party for my friend. There I met many of his friends from outside of school. He has one friend, whom I will name Jacob, that I am really attracted to. The next day I told my friend, and he said that Jacob liked me and wouldn’t mind “f—ing my brains out.” This was really flattering until my friend told me that he had a girlfriend. Cheating and ruining relationships go against everything I believe in. However, my friend told me that their relationship isn’t doing so well and I could steal him if I wanted to. So now I am currently fighting between what is right and what I want. What should I do? —Guilty Flirt

Dear GF (oh hey, nice acronym),

Do both. Do what is right and also what you want. And by that I mean tell this Jacob fellow what you essentially told me. (Let’s leave your friend out of this from now on, shall we? So much tends to get lost when we throw a middleman into our love lives, and I don’t just mean the spatula I lost in that threesome.) Tell him that you think he’s foxy and you would love to become physically acquainted with him if he should find himself single in the near future. And then see if he does indeed break up with his girlfriend to make room for the awesomeness of you.

If he does like you and his relationship is actually on the rocks, as your friend suspects, then you won’t have to wait too long for him to take you up on your offer. If he doesn’t, or your friend was misinformed, then, well, you still can be flattered that a guy you like likes you back, and your integrity will remain shiny and intact. Poaching other people’s boyfriends (or girlfriends) is not a habit I’d recommend you get into, however. First are the reasons you mentioned above, namely that “cheating and relationship ruining” aren’t your thing, which is solid and mature. Second, remember the golden rule: How would you feel if some other gal swooped in and tried to steal your man? Respecting other people’s relationships is another way of respecting yourself. You don’t wanna mess that up. Third, you don’t even know if he’s worth stealing. What if you went through all the trouble of MacGyvering him only to discover that he’s not the cat’s pajamas? That he might not, in fact, even be the hedgehog’s tutu?

While I have you, may I also caution you about one thing? I don’t know your intentions exactly, but if you are looking to make this fellow your boyfriend, as opposed to, say, your sex puppet, then be EXTRA LEERY when the first thing he says about you concerns “f—ing your brains out.” Granted, when he said that, it might have been young dude posturing, but it gives me pause, and it should give you pause too, GF. Not that your brains aren’t worthy of a good jostling—I’m sure they are quite bangable!—but “liking” someone genuinely involves so much more than that. So be careful not to move too fast or do anything you might be uncomfortable with. Make sure he likes all of you, in other words. And keep an eye on your spatulas.

Anna Pulley is a RedEye contributor.